I’ve always wondered if I would have noticed the warning signs. You know, if I’d been a neighbor, a friend, or even just someone who encountered Lori Vallow at the grocery store. Would I have picked up on the subtle (and not-so-subtle) signals that something was deeply, disturbingly wrong? Or would I have been like everyone else who crossed her path—dismissing the oddities as just another mom with quirky religious beliefs?
Because here’s the thing about red flags—they’re only obvious in hindsight, when they’re soaked in blood.
The Slow-Motion Train Wreck Nobody Stopped
Lori Vallow didn’t wake up one morning and decide to embrace apocalyptic beliefs that would eventually lead to the deaths of her children. Her descent was gradual, like watching someone slowly walk into quicksand while convincing themselves it’s just slightly damp dirt.
The transformation from seemingly normal mom to doomsday-obsessed “cult mom” happened in plain sight. Her extensive case timeline reads like a horror movie where everyone in the audience is screaming “DON’T GO IN THERE!” but the characters keep walking straight into danger.
Red Flag #1: The Revolving Door of Husbands
Five marriages. FIVE. I’m not saying multiple marriages automatically signal homicidal tendencies (my aunt Judith has had three and the only thing she’s killed is every houseplant she’s ever owned), but the pattern of Lori’s relationships deserves scrutiny.
Her marriage to Charles Vallow deteriorated dramatically after she met Chad Daybell at a religious conference in 2018. Charles filed for divorce in February 2019, claiming Lori believed she was a reincarnated deity on a mission to guide the chosen 144,000 people into the New World after the apocalypse.
Let that sink in. Your spouse tells you they’re literally a god, and you’re just supposed to nod and ask what’s for dinner?
Red Flag #2: “Death Threats Are Just My Love Language”
Charles Vallow didn’t just cite irreconcilable differences in divorce papers. He specifically stated that Lori had threatened to kill him, saying she was a “translated being who couldn’t die.”
(I don’t know about you, but when someone threatens to murder me while also claiming immortality, I tend to take that seriously.)
Charles was later shot and killed by Lori’s brother, Alex Cox, who claimed self-defense. Convenient timing, considering Charles had a $1 million life insurance policy. Even more convenient: Lori had changed the beneficiary from herself to her brother before Charles’s death.
Red Flag #3: The Children Became “Zombies”
According to friends and family members familiar with the Vallow-Daybell doomsday murders, Lori began referring to her children as “zombies” whose bodies had been possessed by dark spirits. In her twisted belief system, the only way to free a person’s soul from zombie status was death.
I can’t help but think about all the times parents jokingly call their teenagers “zombies” for sleeping until noon or staring mindlessly at their phones. The difference is, most parents don’t actually believe their kids are undead vessels needing liberation through murder.
Red Flag #4: The Vanishing Act Nobody Questioned (Enough)
When Tylee Ryan (16) and JJ Vallow (7) disappeared in September 2019, Lori had excuses ready. JJ was staying with friends in Arizona. Tylee was attending college. She told different stories to different people, creating a web of confusion that delayed serious investigation.
But here’s what baffles me: relatives requested welfare checks, yet somehow Lori managed to dodge accountability for MONTHS. She even fled to Hawaii with Chad Daybell, getting married on a beach while her children were… where exactly?
(Nothing says “I’m definitely not hiding anything suspicious” like a tropical wedding while refusing to produce your missing children.)
Red Flag #5: The Convenient Deaths Surrounding the Couple
The disturbing timeline of events shows that death followed this couple like a shadow:
• July 2019: Charles Vallow shot by Alex Cox
• October 2019: Tammy Daybell (Chad’s first wife) dies “in her sleep”
• December 2019: Alex Cox dies of “natural causes”
• June 2020: Children’s remains found on Chad’s property
That’s more mysterious deaths than an Agatha Christie novel, and yet each was initially treated as unfortunate but not suspicious.
Could You Have Spotted These Warning Signs?
I’d like to think I would have noticed something was off. That I wouldn’t have accepted the flimsy excuses about where the children were. That I might have connected the dots between Lori’s extreme religious beliefs and the danger they presented.
But the truth is, most of us are programmed to accept explanations that don’t force us to confront the unthinkable. We don’t want to believe a mother could harm her children. We dismiss extreme religious talk as eccentric but harmless. We mind our own business.
And that’s exactly how red flags stay hidden in plain sight—until it’s too late.
So maybe the question isn’t whether you could spot the red flags in Lori Vallow’s life. Maybe it’s whether you’d be brave enough to act on them if you did.